The post, post pandemic

I know now it's been more than two years that I posted something here. and realised I should get back. Besides the ups and downs, I feel pretty empty and I know the reason. It's just the post traumatic deprivation my family & I am dealing with. April Eleventh, this year, my dad passed away and I don't know how it all happened. I just lost the track of my life suddenly and before I even realised I need to fall back on it. There was already an unknown responsibility that shook me off and it was a more than just a mishap to deal with. I was worried about unknown fear, the shock, the repercussions that I wasn't really prepared for. I guess that's how you learn to deal with things sometimes. Not everything is taught by someone. That April to July was NUMB. . 

Before I felt this feeling would last forever, I gave a shot to do something new to get back being normal. I guess that's how I dealt and I'm sure there are much better ways to deal with this condition. 

I happen to meet new people, went on a solo trip, re-arranged my home, got new furniture, switched jobs, got a new motorcycle, tried reading a book, smoked a cigarette but still, there was something that I continued to miss. I also thought for a moment to find a partner to spend time with or I guess I was craving for someone to just talk to. I even thought if I should relocate to a new place. It was still hazy. I haven't dated a girl for a longest time now and I'm not sure what am I looking for. I've been observing my own self and the way I've aged. The "figuring out" part is a continuous process and there never seems to be a definite solution.

I always contemplated of getting into the whole marriage thing cause I wondered if it' worth compromising my fair space of life with someone else. I assume someday soon or later will I realise the importance of a partner. 

So, the more I think, it just adds up to my anxiety and I don't want it to throne my headspace. Another year from today, I’d like to manifest to be a much more refined space and progress towards what I wanted.

Cheers :)